Friday, March 20, 2009

Twitter = Wut?

Okay, Twitter.

Tell me why you are.

There is no one who cares what everyone is doing at all times. I don't believe in telling people what I'm doing. That's why I created this blog...

...with AIDS.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Watchmen (AKA The Atomic Blue Weiner Movie)

I love Watchmen. Watchmen is good. I am excited to see Watchmen: The Movie, tomorrow. It will be good. However, I was always concerned whether the most interesting part of the original graphic novel would remain in the film.

What is the most amazing part of Watchmen, you ask? Well, the most beautiful, thrilling, spectacular part of Watchmen is this:

Doctor Manhattan's penis.

Bask in its glory. Through some rigorous amounts of researching (see: ""), I found out that it will be in the film. Hallelujah.

The appearance of this blue, radioactive schlong is apparently bigger and more majestic than the one found in the book. When asked about Dr. Manhattan in the graphic novel, the 66th United States Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, responded with:

After viewing the movie for the first time, this was her reaction:

There you have it. I am proud to say that tomorrow, there will be plenty of this:

Not pictured: Something that does not make me giggle

Thank you and goodbye.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

A Boy, an Xbox, and a Taco.

I use StumbleUpon religiously, and I often thank it for making my life worthwhile. However, the other day I found something shocking. As I read the following article, I chuckled to myself, on account of the fact that I thought it was a quite humorous story:

Dena Moir, 54, told Volusia County deputy sheriffs she called her 19-year-old son Zachary several times to come downstairs for dinner Tuesday. When he didn't respond, she said she went upstairs and unplugged his Xbox. She told deputies her son pushed her, called her names and ordered out of his room.

The woman said she was cleaning the kitchen when her son came down to eat and that she pushed him to the side because he was in her way. At that point, deputies said, the man smacked his mother on the left arm, called her a "retard" and threw his taco in her face.

I thought it was quite funny......

......That is, until I saw the picture along with the article. I was shocked to find that I look almost identical to young Zachary.

Me (Below), trying to put on my biggest douchebag face.
Zach Attack (Above), being a douchebag.

So, in conclusion...
I look like a kid who throws tacos.

Here's the linkz:

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

This is the first of the things of which I will be posting

Why hello there.

My name is Joe. This here is a "Blog." For those of you who do not know what a "Blog" is, please consult the definition below:

\ˈblog, ˈbläg / noun. short for Weblog.
: a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer who is most commonly an emotional, 13-year-old girl looking for attention ; also : the contents of such a site

As the first entry in this blog, instead of typing up a normal entry, I would like to address some obvious questions which you, the clean-cut, white, upper-middle class, American male, are most likely wondering:

In photo: You.

1. "Who is Joe?"
Why, I am, kind sir. I am.

2. "Why did you decide to start a blog?"
I will answer that question with another question: Why did I decide to start a blog?

3. "You know what they call a Quarter Pounder with cheese in France?"
A Royale with cheese....

...because of the Metric system...

In photo: You.